Conflict is an inevitable part of life. We encounter it in our personal relationships, at work, and even within ourselves. While conflict is often viewed as a negative experience, it can actually offer surprising benefits. In this article, we will explore the role of conflict in promoting personal growth and building stronger connections with others.
The Physiological Impact of Conflict
Most people dread conflict, but few of us take time to reflect on what drives our natural aversion to it. Early on in our IMA New Mediator Course everyone is asked to reflect on their gut reactions toward conflict. The more a word is repeated in the poll, the larger it gets in the word cloud. After submitting their own words associated with conflict, we reveal responses that include their fellow mediators from around the world. As you can see from the image, fear is the most common emotion the IMA New Mediator participants experience.
One reason for this fear is that conflict activates uncomfortable physiological responses in us. It’s those all-too-familiar feelings of sweaty palms and a racing heart, which psychologist Daniel Goleman, PhD refers to as emotional "hijacking." More specifically, the amygdala, Goleman explains, is a section of our brain responsible for emotions. It is part of the limbic system, which takes care of our learning and memory. When it senses crisis or danger, the amygdala can overtake our actions. A rush of hormones will pulse through our bodies to make us feel uncomfortable and motivate us to react.
While these involuntary reactions to perceived or real threats are normal, they can also lead to a heightened sense of anxiety. As a result, most of us will develop an irrational fear of conflict.
That being said, what may come as a surprise is that conflict can actually have unexpected benefits to our personal growth. In the same way that regular exercise -- while physically challenging -- improves our health, building conflict resolution skills can boost our resilience in conflict situations.
Conflict Resolution vs. Conflict Avoidance
Ideally, conflict resolution involves finding a solution that satisfies the needs of all parties involved, while also preserving the relationship. As any trained mediator can tell you, understanding basic principles of conflict resolution is essential for navigating conflicts effectively.
Conflict resolution is commonly mistaken for conflict avoidance. Because we dread confrontation, it’s easy to assume that sidestepping conflict will mean more peace in our relationships. This mindset is often shaped by social, cultural and familial norms or expectations. Walking away can be helpful in situations where we are certain the conflict will fade or disappear over time. In some cases, simply giving in or agreeing with the other person is another way of avoiding confrontation that may keep the peace in some instances. Avoiding conflict may be a healthy boundary-setting strategy in some situations.
While it can be convenient for maintaining a sense of harmony or peace of mind, sometimes we need to weigh the longer-term consequences of evading the work it takes to resolve differences. We can’t always be certain of how other individuals involved will process their experiences of the conflict or conflict avoidance tactics. We also can’t anticipate how much our own regrets or resentments may build over time. Not talking through certain interactions can result in palpable barriers and friction that further entrench us in the conflicts we intentionally tried to avoid. Many of the emotions tied up in those lingering conflicts become shaped by emergent irrational beliefs about the other person that grow over time.
In other words, shying away from engaging in conflicts can cause more harm to relationships in the long run. Unresolved conflicts can both fester and escalate. Conflict avoidance also obstructs personal growth and impedes the development of stronger interpersonal connections.
Fear of conflict can be more damaging than participating in the conflict itself. Despite the warning signals sent by our “hijacked” brain, it is important to recognize that conflict usually does not involve actual violence or physical danger. Without constructive strategies for engaging in conflict, our anxieties around conflict negatively impact the way we react to it, resulting in lifelong cycles of unhealthy responses and experiences.
By understanding our underlying emotional triggers and reactions, we can retrain our brain to support us. This resilience can help us partake in most conflicts more rationally and fearlessly, leading to more effective results. Distinguishing between conflict resolution and conflict avoidance, and actively working towards settling conflicts through healthy and constructive means, is essential. Embracing conflicts as opportunities for growth and applying healthy means of resolution, we can navigate conflict more effectively.
The Role of Conflict in Personal Growth
Conflict can be a catalyst for personal growth. When we face conflicts, we are forced to confront our own beliefs, values, and emotions. It pushes us out of our comfort zones, fostering critical thinking and self-reflection.
Awareness of the underlying causes of our fear of conflict can help us to operate from the rational side of our brain. By confronting and resolving conflicts head-on, we work through the discomfort. This enables us to learn more about ourselves and develop new skills. It forces us to explore new perspectives. The more we learn to recognize that most conflict is not truly threatening, the more likely we are to participate fearlessly and in a productive manner.
As we become less fearful of conflict, we build confidence in our ability to engage in it. This confidence can lead to better outcomes and improve our overall experiences with conflict.
The Role of Conflict in Strengthening Relationships
Conflict transformation is a mindset shift that allows us to view conflicts as opportunities for personal development and positive change. By changing our perspective from blame to curiosity and seeking common ground, we strengthen connections through empathy and mutual respect.
In healthy relationships, conflicts are seen as opportunities for growth and learning, with both parties committed to resolving differences respectfully and collaboratively. Effective conflict engagement is a cornerstone of healthy relationships, fostering open and honest communication. Active listening, empathy, and compassion are employed to find mutually beneficial solutions. When we build and rely upon effective conflict resolution strategies, we can create environments where conflicts serve as catalysts for personal growth and the strengthening of interpersonal bonds.
Strategies for Building Conflict Resilience
Being in conflict is not anyone's happy place, but there are strategies to help us be more confident in conflict situations. To effectively navigate disputes, you cannot go wrong by building your conflict resolution skills, which involve, at a minimum, the following basics:
effective communication
By refining these skills, we can approach conflicts with confidence and find mutually beneficial solutions.
While not all participants in our programs plan to be professional mediators, most discover that mediation skills are vital tools for resolving conflicts, especially in situations where multiple parties are involved. A mediator acts as a third party, facilitating communication and guiding the conflict resolution process. In a hands-on learning environment, IMA mediators experience valuable techniques such as reframing, summarizing, and asking open-ended questions. These skills enable the mediator to foster a collaborative and respectful environment for resolving conflicts.
As we are constantly professing in our articles and training, active listening is perhaps the most crucial skill involved in conflict resolution. It involves fully focusing on and understanding the other person's perspective without passing judgment or giving advice. When we actively listen, we demonstrate empathy and create a space for open and honest communication. Active listening allows us to gain a deeper understanding of the underlying issues and emotions involved in a conflict. It helps us identify below-the-surface interests and find solutions that meet the needs of all parties. By practicing active listening, we can foster stronger connections and resolve conflicts more effectively.
The ideal way to build confident conflict resolution skills is through practice in a safe setting, with feedback from professionals. Engaging in role plays or simulations of conflicts can help us become more comfortable with addressing real world conflicts. This is something our mediation training platform provides all participants. In fact, we use actual cases our professional mediation staff have successfully mediated and use them as scenarios for mediation simulations. With the support of expert coaches, mediator trainees of all skill levels work are assigned the role of an observer, disputant or mediator, to facilitate the mediation process. As mentioned earlier, the majority of IMA New Mediators mention they fear conflict at the outset, and yet all of them complete the program to receive an official Certificate of Completion in mediation. Almost to a person, those who complete our training report they are surprised at the fresh and optimistic perspectives they cultivated toward conflict.
As IMA-trained mediators demonstrate, in spite of our natural fear of conflict, we all have the capacity to develop not only the skills, but also the self-awareness and confidence to productively work through the most intractable disputes. By mastering the skills essential for conflict resolution, we can become more confident in engaging in conflict and help build stronger interpersonal connections.
Embrace Conflict as a Catalyst for Personal Growth and Stronger Connections
While conflict may initially elicit negative physiological responses in us, it is important to recognize its surprising benefits. Embracing conflict as an opportunity for personal growth and stronger connections can lead to positive outcomes in various aspects of our lives.
In the face of conflict, we have an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and others. We can gain a deeper understanding of our own triggers, needs and desires, as well as those of others. Through this self-reflection, we can grow and develop as individuals, and in relation to others.
Conflict is often misunderstood, but filled with potential for transformation. When navigated effectively, conflict can be a catalyst for personal growth and stronger connections. By understanding the principles of conflict resolution, developing confident conflict resolution skills, and embracing conflict as a catalyst for positive change, we can navigate conflicts in a healthy and constructive manner.
It is through conflicts that we can develop empathy, active listening skills, negotiation abilities, and mediation techniques. These skills enable us to resolve conflicts effectively, nurture healthy relationships, and build stronger connections based on trust and understanding.
So, rather than shying away from conflict, embrace it as an opportunity for growth and transformation. Enhance your conflict resolution skills to navigate conflict with confidence. Explore our internationally-recognized training programs to unlock even more surprising benefits of conflict resolution.
How will you embark on your journey to view conflict as a catalyst for healthier relationships and personal growth? Drop your comments below.
