Respect is quite often the most important catalyst for resolving conflicts. It’s not always easy to offer to an opponent, in part due to conflicting ideas of what “respect” means. Respectful conflict resolution requires active listening, empathy and a proactive approach to future conflicts. In this article, we’ll discuss the power of respect and how to use it to resolve conflicts effectively.
The Power of Respect: Its Role in Conflict
Although most of us dread conflict, it is a natural part of professional and personal relationships. When approached with respect and empathy, it can be a positive catalyst for transformation.
When conflict arises, we are presented with the opportunity to open ourselves to new perspectives about the past and to reframe the future, or ignore perspectives that challenge our own. Foundational to respectfully engaging in conflict is the commitment of each involved party to listen to the other perspectives. Listening and understanding the perspectives of other parties is made possible through dialogue and negotiation. An important characteristic of respectful conflict resolution is a commitment from all involved parties to work toward a resolution that is mutually beneficial.
Respect does not require agreement, but empathy and openness to other points of view will likely lead to better results. When parties are more enlightened about the other person’s perspectives of what occurred in the past they have the opportunity to apply this new wisdom to reframing their future.
Active Listening: Powerful Tool for Respect
Active listening is crucial for respectful conflict resolution. A skilled listener will remain non-judgmental and eager to hear what the other party or parties have to say. To effectively practice active listening, it can be helpful to ask powerful open-ended questions with a desire to gain a better understanding of other points of views on the issue in focus.
Active listening also involves understanding the emotions behind the words. It is important to remain calm and respectful throughout the conversation. This can help create a safe space for all parties to express their feelings without feeling judged or dismissed.
Engaging in conflict resolution without active listening has the potential to further agitate the conflict. However, active listening helps reveal opportunities for all parties to work towards a mutually agreeable resolution.
Real Respect: Find Out What it Means
When in conflict, borrow some wisdom from that song made famous by the late Aretha Franklin, “R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me.” This line sheds light on an issue that can arise during a mediation session. Those involved in the conflict may have different definitions of “respect.” IMA trainers suggest that mediators encourage everyone to treat each other with respect. Given that “respect” is very personal, it can be helpful in any conflict to elicit and acknowledge each party’s unique definitions of respect. This process can provide clarity on root causes of the conflict.
Many times, parties are not able to clearly articulate what respect means to them in the context of conflict resolution. Try to identify the verbal and nonverbal cues that indicate someone is feeling disrespected. When one party feels disrespected, it is often valuable to encourage the party to discuss what they are feeling, why they think they might be feeling a particular way, and what they need in order to feel respected. This can be eye-opening in conflict, as it invites the parties to offer empathy. Often, this difference in what “respect” means can be the heart of the conflict. New perspectives illuminate possibilities that may lead to resolution.
Staying Proactive: Preparing for the Future
Once a conflict is resolved, it is useful for involved parties to reflect on ways to work through potential future conflicts.
Strategies to prevent future conflicts may include:
Discuss clearly and openly about how each party wishes to be treated and – yes – respected.
Agree on communication that allows for respect and understanding. For example, list subjects or words that will be off-limits in future conversations.
Decide on the means and delivery of communication going forward. For example, if e-mail communication provides each party time to calmly draft and send messages, set some parameters to ensure those missives are respectful.
Acknowledge and validate each other’s needs and perspectives.
Set boundaries and to establish expectations for both parties.
Ensuring that both parties are on the same page will help mitigate future conflicts. This can be done through open and honest communication. Moreover, it could also minimize potential misunderstandings and create an environment of trust and respect going forward. There may be conflicts, but with agreement on how to manage them in the future, they will likely not escalate beyond everyone’s control.
Mediation: The Power of an Outsider
Since many people fear conflict, in some cases, it may be beneficial to bring in an outside interventionist to facilitate the conflict resolution process. Mediators rely on a variety of tools and techniques to facilitate the process, providing opportunities the parties may not find on their own.
A mediator facilitates a conversation between the parties to help them make wise decisions about how to resolve the conflict. A mediator can see the conflict from each party’s perspective. The mediator can listen for underlying issues, assumptions and obstacles the parties are unable to hear or see. A skilled mediator works with the parties to understand what future they want and illuminates a pathway toward a wise resolution that works for everyone.
The mediator is responsible for creating a respectful space for parties to express their feelings, needs and perspectives. The mediator also models respectful communication and active listening to make sure that all parties feel heard, acknowledged and validated.
In those cases when intervention is necessary, the calm presence of a third party may be just what is needed to move the parties toward resolution. Seasoned mediators are resilient and adept at managing conflict. They believe in the mediation process and have faith in parties’ ability to reach resolution.
When parties are unable to resolve conflict themselves, mediation is the ideal means to a better resolution. Instead of leaving the decisions to a judge or other adversary, mediation enables parties to co-create their future. The confidential process of mediation provides parties with a safe and private environment that is ideal for self-determination.
The Key: Unlock the Power of Respect
Conflict is an inevitable part of life. Offering respect when engaging in conflict is not always easy, but it can be transformative. It requires patience, understanding, and the willingness to actively listen.
It is also important to stay proactive and to anticipate potential conflicts before they arise. This may mean setting up new expectations and boundaries for the relationship going forward.
Some conflicts justify inviting a mediator to facilitate a respectful conflict resolution process between the involved parties. A skilled mediator has the skills needed to develop conflict resilience and faith in the process. It is important to remember that conflict can be a positive thing, when it is approached with respect and empathy.
With the right tools and strategies, it is possible to unlock the power of respect and effectively resolve conflicts. Join over 300 participants worldwide in our courses. Learn how to respectfully engage in conflicts with confidence and resilience. With new skills and strategies, you may find yourself effortlessly fostering an environment of mutual respect in conflict.
