Listening problems are at the heart of most communication-related conflicts. My first article on this topic covered four blocks to listening: distractions, unsolicited advice, assumptions and toxic positivity. In this piece, the second in a series, I discuss six more blocks to effective listening: rehearsing, filtering, derailing, defensiveness, judging and comparing. While most of us have used blocks identified in this series, I offer strategies for avoiding each one.
In our introductory mediation courses, we ask students to give their initial reactions to conflict. The most frequent word most new mediators associate with conflict is fear. That anxiety propels us into default fight-or-flight defense responses. So, how do we mediators, who work directly with people in conflicts, manage our own emotions? I reached out to a few highly-respected mediators and asked them to share strategies they use to stay calm when conflicts get tense. Many of these tips can be applied outside the context of mediation, to help you feel better prepared for conflict situations. With input from those colleagues, I have identified the following five powerful strategies mediators use to keep cool in the heat of conflict.
Most people engage our mediation services for conflicts involving communication problems. Poor listening is often at the epicenter of communication-related conflicts. After 25 years as a practicing mediator, I have compiled a list of “blocks” that get in the way of our ability to listen effectively. When I began diving into this subject, I realized there is more than one article’s worth of information share, so I’ve divided this subject into three articles. Here’s the good news: I have seen people build their listening skills and learn how to overcome these pitfalls. Under each listening block, I provide helpful tips on how to avoid them.
